Monday, April 28, 2014

DAD, DAD



We have seen how the advent of the industrial revolution has caused the dissolution of the patriarchal and authoritarian structure of the family for which is passed by the pater familias, who had the right of life and death over his wife and children, his father-master of the times of the ironworks when the family was a company that had to produce resources and unquestionable values, his father used today with functions of finance manager, increasingly absent and farther and farther in the education of children.


Custodian of power incarnation of duty, holder of a regulatory role of ethics, to him it was transmitted to future generations rules and social customs , while her mother held a function essentially affective, to modulate that is communicative and relational exchanges within the family. The families had worked for centuries complex systems of inheritance and transmission of power that pointed to the safeguarding of assets, the preservation of what his father had, of what his father was and embodied.

In the past, younger sons and daughters became orphans even before his father's death and their fate was a recovery, uncertain and penalizing: they could become monks or knights, serve to marriages of convenience or adventures. In all cases had to leave home for want of a father who treated them as instruments of his power, albeit with all the extenuating circumstances of a Christian sensibility that progressively introduced correctives to the ferocity of the times.

This father figure, authoritarian and strict regulations in the performance of the task that contemporary culture entrusted him the father Oedipus as defined by Freud could only fall with the changing times, and especially in recent decades, starting in the 60s. The student protests of '68 against the authoritarianism of the school system before and the socio-family then, labor struggles against fathers masters, the slogans of the sexual revolution, but especially the repudiation by the current young parents to identify with authoritarian father figure and of his childhood have in fact finally decreed the death of the paternal role classically understood.

This new generation of parents has even, but not to follow in the footsteps of the past, abdicated its role. The fade first and then the disappearance of the emotional tensions of '68 when you spoke you remember the power of the imagination, the bitter disappointment in being in a society that had replaced the ideals certainly not all shared, but still ideal with an unbridled consumerism to impoverishment and cultural leveling based on conformity and in new forms of indifference, they did resurface the family as a protective environment and safe place to meet the emotional needs, economic and social.

It's so resurrected the family, but with different functions than in the past. No longer inspired by an ethical model regulatory by his father, it to an attitude of weaning towards their children, but that tends to keep them in a situation of security, belonging, control and authentic training. It was found and retrained the maternal role, renovated for the new requirements, but it was not found the father, who is given to escape from responsibility, the inaction of education and training. And the suffering of his father today, some even lived in a distressing, is precisely to find and give a new dimension to redefine their role.

You realize, in fact, studies psychosocial that precisely the crisis of traditional paternal role caused phenomena such as "long family", endless adolescence due to the difficulty of parting with an environment that seems to promise perpetually affection, protection, meeting the needs. In this research we are implementing different trends because you have not yet received, due to the ongoing transformation of the company, with the consequent crisis (evolutionary) connected to it, to a new definition of the role, to a new identikit of the new parent.

There is in fact who seeks to reclaim the role of a time, again imposing their superiority, those who "abdicates role" feeling useless its presence, merely act as economic support and there are those who, more consciously seeking an understanding with his wife to better manage the family and above all to live more in the family, to deepen the knowledge pedagogical and psychological dynamics of development of the children.

To provide food for thought, we start from psychological research carried out by the authors, already mentioned in the previous meeting, which operated in the 50s and 60s. Some of these positions may seem outdated or anachronistic, but I bring them back just as useful food for thought and debate.

Equally happens in the religious and ethical-moral, as also noted by studies sponsored by WHO, which have re-evaluated the educational role of the father.

A parent acting despotically to occur emotionally unsatisfied and frustrated, hinders the computing processes and causes de-structuring of the children in their personality. Searches psychological clinics have also highlighted the traumatic effects caused by the absence of his father. That reality, however, due to leaves traces in the identification process of the child; causes aggressive and depressive reactions, states of anxiety and insecurity, feelings of inferiority that often leads to the creation of a mythical or imaginary father pushes her mother to adopt attitudes of overprotection or functions of the paternal role.

Even in the most recent surveys (psycho- sociological, psycho-analytical, pedagogical) published at the end of '94, it was found that, although with less regulations and forms with more complex languages, the father's role is essentially that described or prescribed by the psycho-pedagogy "classical" and just now outlined. The father can not distance themselves . You can divorce his wife, but it can not be from the children.

The damage caused by the absence or inaction heartache often come to the surface at the most critical and sensitive development: adolescence, that is. The teenager in crisis reported verbatim from the book of Charmet and Riva often uses the hard way. If you want the return of the father feels that it is necessary to convene a reminder that it can serve the purpose; generally it is fairly outrageous behavior; just enough to force the mother to throw in the towel and call herself the return of the father on the educational scene.

Summoned by his son through messages peremptory (school failure, drug smell, acquaintances at risk, social incidents of various types, strong tensions domestic) blackmailed by his wife that threatens to get in maternal layoffs if not immediately supported, usually the father returns to his role in a disastrous way.

Failing to do so in due course, can not of course to play their part, the one son and mother expect and takes refuge in the imitation coarse and not convincing of the role of the authoritarian father; we want more - the authors say - with the times we live; is no longer authoritarian fathers; or at least, you can not improvise in part so daring that requires very strong temper and an uncommon tolerance of loneliness and often hatred of the children and his wife. The man who becomes father in recent years has a great freedom in manage their role, except the opportunity to reenact the father figure master.

Neither the children nor the wife, it would allow the company; would indeed denounced the court for minors to abuse, at least moral, of his wife and children. We now some further thought once again taking a cue from the text, "The Book of the family." When you become a father? Once you answer, at the time fertilization, giving the role a sexual extraordinary importance: the man showed his manhood and purchased power to the mother and the unborn child.

The new fertilization techniques (questionable how much you want) have challenged this power, recognizing instead that the protagonists are only two: the mother and the child, which are autonomous and self-sufficient. And then - as interesting as supports you have to turn the tables: no father gives birth to a child if it does not turn into the world. And it is waiting for the event, that the father must prepare to be such. It must "put in the making" himself , until it will be discovered as such by his son, after he has made the choice of life you want " do "the father," one - that is - that is reinvented as a man, and next to the service of another man, which in turn is committed to humanize.

Farsi father means to choose to make themselves available to a person not yet able to Badar in itself, but must acquire the tools to do it. At first, as we have said, helps and protects the mother committed to meeting primordial needs of the newborn: eat, sleep, defend themselves from pain, move. To be present and participate eg. diaper changing, to give him the bottle, to put him to sleep, inspire the little mother-employee trust and security. In a second step must help him to break away from the mother , to get it out "by the limited logic of the need for him to enjoy the taste of freedom ", to become independent.

It is in these moments that the figure heartache acquires a key role. The son, after the inevitable waste, disobedience, the errors of those who began to make their own and "grow", begins to serve as a model, that is, as someone who has a vision of the world that can be implemented and verified, as who instills self-confidence, respect freedom, but at the same time offers help and landmarks certain. Just when the son is the father has become autonomous a dimension of its own, it becomes important, it is recognized as such. Its role then is to make sure that the child becomes a "person", capable of autonomous choices, able to walk alone.

It is the Socratic method of education. The greatest satisfaction of an educator let this example, is to see their own student become capable proceeding alone in studies without the need constantly to resort to his aid ; being able, that is, to provide the student, not so much, not just a set of concepts and content, but to develop in him the ability to be able to acquire in a conscious, self-critical.

To paraphrase a Chinese proverb: all fishermen must provide the fish, but teach him to fish more and better of his master. Here, I would see so made the most of the role of the parent: to ensure that the child may be able to go it alone, he learned to become man.

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